When you go out drinking, you drink…

Two finger-bowls of champagne

Soda (gentlemens’ clubs don’t serve alcohol)

Rubbing Alcohol

Pernod (it has a good uplift, but it drops you just as far)

Milk from the Pig Dog

Still thinking of an answer, but it will be a good one

 


How do you woo a potential love interest?

Build a mansion and wait 5 years

A pole dance

Collaborate on some erotic fan-fiction

Arrange a secret rendezvous in San Sebastian

Ballet moves (as taught by Hans-Pierre)

Still thinking of an answer, but it will be a good one

 


What’s your ideal vacation spot?

Montenegro, little Montenegro, down on the Adriatic Sea

South Bend, Indiana

Really going at it in a cabin in the woods with Emmett The Vampire

Trout fishing in the Irati River and a swell bus ride!

The Grand Hotel Conclae Vista in the sweeping alpine highlands

Still thinking of an answer, but it will be a good one

 


What is your dream job?

Open some drug stores, a LOT of drug stores

A “professional entertainer” at Dejá Vu in Saginaw, MI

You’ve never had a job, because of your father, and you love it

Matador

Local representative

Still thinking of an answer, but it will be a good one

 


When you get dressed up, you wear…

A pink suit

A long black robe, with a gold thong underneath

A bright blue muumuu you found in the garage

Anything to show off your curves, they’re like the hull of a racing yacht

A traditional Alpine hiking costume

Still thinking of an answer, but it will be a good one

 


What’s the best way to enter a room full of people?

Pushed on a rolling office chair by your chauffeur, “Fergie”

To the sound of a gavel and someone saying “All rise”

By announcing that you aren’t pregnant

With a crowd of young men, some in jerseys, some in their shirtsleeves

Through a tiny door on your hands and knees

Still thinking of an answer, but it will be a good one